I am in the middle of doing a women’s bible study at church. We are going through Beth Moore’s study “Believing God”. It has been a long time since I have done a women’s bible study. I felt led to do it recently when I was desperately searching for more God in my life. Knowing we have to seek Him to find Him, I figured this would be a good start to figuring out His will for my life.
I had no idea the study would become a test of my faith. One question Beth asked of us was to sit and think about who we think God is. When I prayerfully pondered this question, I realized I have packaged God in a box my whole life.
Who do I “think” God is? Growing up I thought you had to be perfect in order to get into heaven. I was always full of guilt about the “bad” things I did as a child. My grandma was perfect in my eyes and my great-grandma was also perfect in my eyes. They were pretty much the only Christian women I was ever around who were truly walking the walk (at least that I recall). They were women completely and totally devoted to Christ. They read their bibles, preached the word, went to church, and lived the life. I often wonder if they ever sinned! I know they did, as everybody sins and falls short. I just don’t recall ever seeing it.
Add to that that as I got older and began meeting adult women, I would always see more “perfect Christian women”. You know the ones…the ones you see and think to yourself, “Wow, they are for sure going to heaven”.
The box (of lies) I had God in my whole life was something like this:
1. If you do good and are doing every thing you should be doing I’ll let you into heaven.
2. If you do good and are doing every thing you should be doing I will bless you here on earth.
3. If you do good and are doing every thing you should be doing I will answer your prayers.
4. If you do good and are doing every thing you should be doing you will have all of the fruits of the Spirit that you have been longing for.
5. If you are not doing all of the things you should be doing, or if you fall down I will not do these things because I am disappointed in you.
Wow, what an awful box I have put God in. I struggle with believing that I have a seat in heaven based on faith alone. I still struggle with thinking I have to earn my way into heaven. I struggle with unbelief that God loves me and wants to do wonderful things for me!
While reflecting on this realization, it occurred to me. These women I thought were so perfect, weren’t. They were merely women bearing the fruits of the Spirit. Women of faith. God’s word alive and active in them. Some of these women have had great obstacles thrown in their path, yet their faith never faltered.
I want that! Why am I choosing to believe God isn’t who He says He is? Why am I choosing to believe He won’t do what He says He will? He is much bigger than the tiny little box I have put him in. He is who He says He is. He will do what He says He will do. Now I just have to figure out how to open that box and let those past lies out and throw the box away! I have to let go of my unbelief.
“He touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you“. Matthew 9:29