Do you ever have those times of feeling like are in a dry spell in your walk? You know, the times we are walking through a desert. You keep walking, but sometimes have to slow down a bit because you are thirsty and hungry, but aren’t being fed. Lately, I have kind of been in one of those spells. I kept thinking to myself, why am I not hearing from God? I have been doing my bible study, reading my bible, praying, etc. Or have I?
A couple of weeks ago, while I was on my morning walk and I was reflecting on what God really wants from me. I couldn’t help but hear the words, I want you to love me more than your husband and more than your life. I do believe He put that on my heart that morning. But then came the question. How God? How do I love you more. I really have no clue how to do this. So for the next couple of weeks I pondered that. My life also became busy. Busy without my really realizing it, until today. I kept praying to figure this out, but nothing. Today it hit me. I had missed five mornings of being in the word and in real communication with God. Truth be told, I was slacking in my relationship with Him.
I spent the last couple of days catching up on my bible study. I poured my heart out in prayer as well. Oddly enough this morning I had other things on my mind, other things to do, and almost skipped my time in the word and prayer, however I pressed on and did it, and let me tell you, I’m so glad I did. After my study and devotion time, I took my morning walk. I continued to wonder how I could love God more than my husband and more than my own life. Suddenly, there it was. I can love God more than my husband, by loving my husband more. On the surface, that sounds odd. How does that work?
I began reflecting on how I treat my husband. I nit pick. I nag. I am controlling. I have little compassion for him. I want him to be like this. I want him to be like that. I want. I want. I want. It is all about me. Wow. I am not loving my husband at all like Christ would want me to. Can I love God more, by actually loving like God wants me to love?
Clearly I struggle with a selfish heart. I want everything I want, and I want it now. Here is an example of my selfishness. I only have my youngest daughters 50% of the time. One of the ways I spend quality time with my eleven year old is watching “The Voice”. We love to snuggle on the couch when she gets back and listen to the beautiful voices, and pick our favorites. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry. It is a very special time for us. My husband records this for us, because we have to catch up when she is with me. Last night, as we went to watch Part One of The Battles (ironic name), we realized it didn’t get recorded. To say I was a little bit angry would be an understatement. I first decided it had to be because of my husbands silly Monday night football…he must have been recording it instead. Or my mom’s Dancing with the Stars (which we record for her). I was getting more and more angry. My husband was asleep, and I went into our room to go to bed and he had my pillow. I woke him up to get my pillow, and to rudely tell him he failed to record my show. I was actually so upset I decided to sleep on the couch. Yes, that’s right, over a silly little show. Needless to say, I could have handled this so much differently. When my husband woke up and realized I wasn’t’ in bed, he came out to find me on the couch. He laid down next to me and put his arms around me. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t angry, he showed me that he loved me.
God does this to us all the time. We get upset over silly little things. We do stupid things. We throw tantrums. We fail. We fall. And what does God do? He wraps his arms around us with his love. It is ironic that my husband is not a “Christ follower”, yet he acted more Christ like than I did.
So back to my point. How do I love God more than my husband and more than my life? I need to pick up my cross and follow Him. I need to die to myself.
“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” ~ Matthew 10:37-38